Healing Through Apologizing

There are few things as important in relationship as apologizing and forgiveness. In the past few months, I've been growing in the area of apologizing. After some painful conflicts in my life, I've looked in the mirror and acknowledged the part of me that says, "I'm sorry, but...."

I've opened my ears and heard others' feedback that this kind of apology doesn't really repair the rupture (even when the "I'm sorry" part is deeply genuine and heartfelt!). I've thanked this part for trying to protect me, and communicated that it's time for a change.

Apologizing can be so hard, especially when we feel wounded by the other, and the other has also behaved in a negative or destructive way. And, if we keep waiting for the other to take care of us, we can lose a lot of our power waiting for the other person to make us and the situation feel ok. It is up to us to create a more positive outcome. I've lost too many hours of sleep and spent too long suffering, waiting.

In order to transform conflict, in order to move from feelings of separation to interconnection, we must learn to be humble, take full responsibility, and apologize. No buts. No defense. No urgent need for the other person to do the same immediately after.

If we apologize with integrity, and let it be, those that have the same integrity will apologize for their part as well. Maybe in that moment, maybe later when they've had some time to receive yours.
If they don't, that's information for us.

But for now, consider just focusing on you, and how you relate to apologizing when you also feel wounded. Consider taking the first step and accepting your ability to make mistakes and wound others.

In Life Lessons David Kessler and Elizabeth Kubler Ross write, "We are all Mother Theresa and we are all Hitler." In accepting both our light and our shadow, we can do our part to help move conflict forward in the most positive way possible, bringing more peace to ourselves, our relations, and all those who cross our path.